loss

it has been nine years, one month, twenty one days and three hours since i received a phone call that would absolutely turn my life upside down. i was sitting in my dorm room, about to go to class when my sister dawn broke the news to me. she called to let me know marcus died, and that it was not a joke. i left my room, walked copiously around campus, shrieking and screaming at the top of my lungs. i remember i was coined the crazy freshman, who'd lost it. my reputation meant nothing at that time. i vaguely remember the words that my sister used, other than to be around when they family pulled up in a couple of hours. i sat in my room, waiting for the news to not be true and it never was disspelled. i remember sitting in my room,waiting for them to come. i felt like i just waited and waited and waited and i paced the floor, stared at the few pictures of my brother on the wall until they showed up.

its too heavy for me. i can not even write any more.