this is too soon. i have been wrong before. but there is a difference in attentiveness and passion. i have been wrong before. i just may be wrong again. but to know that being settled feels lie this? undefined and calm, with all of the right possibilities? i told myself, to go, go far from here, go home, get further away, and as i did, realized how capable i was of not running. i think in the strength of learning new activities, to open up in a way that has terrified me before, makes me realize that in order for me to create a place where i exist, i have to envision it for myself, and first. i realize how much i need that attention that i got yesterday, in the befores, durings and afters, and no one has ever made me feel attended to, in that way. eye contact and self space make me want to scream and stretch out of the way.
BUT, i am a possibility in the eyes of those who adore me. and if i remember that, i will be okay.
